As someone who's read a bunch of IFs on COG and Itch I can definitely say that this story is not really polished. Too much purple prose and made up words, too many characters and too many romance interests.
The intro was decent but it didn't have the thrill or excitement, hell I wasn't even aware what the mission was and what the stakes are, world building is zero, is this a middle aged fantasy world? but then why are the characters in the portraits wearing modern clothes?
Chapter 1 was very bland and boring, especially the useless side quest of finding a dog, there was no thrill or urgency in the pacing, the pacing is really slow.
The writing tries to be edgy in the explicit torture scene but was pretty unclear on what was happening, too many made up unexplained words. Is this suppose to be a revenge story? a romance story? a character driven emotional story? I don't know, but I felt bored the entire time unlike the other IFs I've read.
This is so exciting and beautifully written ! I have never felt so close to characters and loved them so much. I hope to see an update soon !! Thank you for your hard work !
eh. about the prologue... too much in one page with very little choice makes the thing tedious to read. maybe it's just me but it feels more like someone's story rather than an IF 🤐 especially with the MC's personality 😷
I've enjoyed this a lot :) I really like Lucian so far, I'm not sure if you know this character but there's this old webtoon called Hooky and the character Nico is just who I kept imagining Lucian as. I look forward to the future updates :) I hope we can talk to Adam more as well and form sort of a elder sibling typa thing with him, of course you don't have to do it but I thought the idea would be fun since their interactions reminded me of just that!
I haven't heard of that webtoon before, but I'm glad you liked L! Adam was super fun to write and more interactions with him definitely aren't off the table :D
Also, is there a chance that we can have a mc that has a personality, but perfers to be silent most of the time? Like they could be kind but silent, or aloof and silent?
Absolutely, but it's more like.. Developing the MC that way since the MC's personality is semi-set, so to have an MC that is like... Silent and such would take time.
This was amazing! My last words were: "I was naive to think I would be able to be redeemed in such a tainted, sorrowful world. May you all never rest in peice.
Idk if I'm doing something wrong here because No matter what pronounce I choose or what gender I choose for each Li the game end up using they/them on almost every occasion, and sometimes some text shows up that doesn’t have anything to do with the option I've chosen.
Okay, sorry I'm just trying to figure out what could be wrong. Did you select each LI individually or did you use one of the preset options? If at all possible, could you also send screenshots or tell me the passage the they/them pronouns show up in?
Hi! Just a minor thing--when I selected the pronouns for all of the characters (I chose the all male option, if that changes anything), it seems there were a few missing bits in the dialogue. Lucian, for instance, was regularly referred to as they/them despite my choices indicating otherwise. Additionally, some of the text in some spots seems to be missing? Instead of where I'm assuming a nickname would be, there's just a blank space. For example: "Dialogue dialogue dialogue, (space) . Other than that, the game looks great! I can't wait to see where you go with this.
That's,,, weird. The only instance I have of this happening is from people using old saves. However, L's character definitely shouldn't be showing up with they/them pronouns at all since it isn't part of L's code. If there's a way you could screenshot or copy and paste the section, I'll look into it.
The first one is an example of the missing dialogue bit. The second is an example of the pronoun issue, but I know there's more. This was just the first one I saw.
I'm not sure if the lack of choices is supposed to represent the MC being unable (in the prologue) to avoid their fated execution, but the lack of ability to have even superficial impact on the story altered my perception of the game. Obviously the whole point of the prologue is the execution, so I don't expect to be able to change anything, but the long passages of prose offered plenty of chances for surface-level "decisions" that wouldn't affect the narrative while still offering a sense of agency for the player, if not the MC. For example, maybe you don't have the choice to not trust your partner, but you could easily have different responses for how you confirm your (possibly misplaced) trust: Sincerely, reluctantly, bitterly, emotionally, etc. Other potential moments for this kind of thing could be your (internal) response to the distance between you and your partner, a choice to resist the pain or have some other (futile) response rather than just closing your eyes, having some kind of reaction at some point during your imprisonment/torture, and responding to the knight that helps you to the throne room. Nothing really changes except a few lines of text, but it would drastically up the immersion factor, at least for persnickety types like myself, and it would break up the long pages of Having Things Done To You by People You (The Player) Don't Yet Know. The effect might be different for someone who's been following the tumblr and taking part in the Discord, but at least some people (like myself) won't be coming in with that information, so any deeper meaning or emotional impact could be lost in a prologue that's more like reading a novel than playing interactive fiction.
This isn't to say that the reading was unpleasant, as your prose is rich and evocative and you have a particular knack for characterization, as characters have distinct voices even if they have little more than a few lines. If I'd gone into this expecting pure prose, I'd be extremely pleased with it and interested in reading more; I'm still extremely interested, but I went into it as a player of interactive fiction, so my expectations were a little different. The only choices you have in-story is to skip the torture, which isn't so much a choice in-story as it is a meta-choice to avoid a scene, and your final response in court. I did have something dramatic planned, but I found myself so stymied by the lack of player agency (as opposed to character agency) that I seized the first chance I (the player) had to actually do something and wound up telling the court to do something anatomically unpleasant with an extremely unsuitable instrument. ... Though I like to think that was also in-character for the MC, all things considered! The lack of 'personalization,' not to be confused with customization, also kept me from feeling particularly attached to or invested in the MC, which is a problem I often have with more linear/stratified forms of IF, like visual novels.
Which, again, doesn't mean that this prologue is bad; far from it, in fact! If the lack of even superficial options is supposed to be indicative of the MC's railroading, in contrast with their post-revival options in the main game, then feel free to ignore just about everything I said above. In either case, I'll still be watching this game carefully and looking forward to how it grows.
Absolutely, I understand the criticism here. As someone who always took umbrage with the nonchoices given by major companies such as Telltale, I get the frustration that comes with having little to no real choices in a story-driven game; however! This was a conscious decision on my part. The prologue is meant to create frustration and hopelessness as a player because that is also a big part of the MC's default characterization. It's supposed to represent the relentlessness of fate and this absolutely doesn't change for anyone seeing the content on Tumblr and Discord.
Now, this only applies to the prologue. Chapter one comes with multiple choices in certain passages, important ones and surface-level ones, and plenty of dialogue choices.
Thanks for the prompt response! I appreciate the confirmation that it's an intentional choice, so I know I didn't totally misread the situation; it still doesn't work for me as well as multiple-but-futile choices would, but this is my subjective opinion and the prologue is brief, so it's far from a dealbreaker. Implementation of saves, incidentally, is also greatly appreciated, especially if there's as many potential paths as implied, as well as the content being as accessible to players going in blind as it is to those involved with the Tumblr/Discord. I prefer to experience the story as it unfolds, so any supplementary materials have to wait until after I finish the game.
As ever, I look forward to seeing how Villain's Promise grows and evolves, and I anticipate future interactions with these varied characters... and, more than likely, doing my best to ruin some lives and get away with it. After all, how often do you get to play the villain?
Of course! As this is my first real story being put out there- and my first time making a game- it's really nice to see opinions players have so I can grow in both areas. Thank you for playing and I hope you enjoy the villainous path I develop <3
My Last words were "All I wanted was for Lucian to be happy.." x'd,, Anyways I enjoyed playing! (Reading). Ngl I almost shed a tear while playing this..
yooo why did i not find this earlier????? this is so fukin good?? i was not expecting any of this. the way i went from almost crying to legit raging when reading this..author i love you so much. also lucian 😭 ❤️
oh my g o d I was not ready for something this well written. I am blown away by your choice to have us literally type out our last words, that is genius. Good lord. You’re gonna blow this out of the water I tell you what
😭 I'm glad you enjoyed the new prologue and I feel you! I'm hoping writing chapter one goes smoothly so I can get it out semi-quick. In the meantime, there are other very talented IF writers (I'm sure you've heard of) or you can join the discord where I spam way too much 😌✨
Wow, I love this new prologue, it's so much better. Things that were confusing before bc of the lack of information are now mysterious for the same reason, and I fell like it is overall better written now.
I really want to know how relationships will work out not only for the Mc, but between each Ro as well. You did a good job by making them have their own lives and relationships without overshadowing Mc or making Mc the center of their existence. Kinda made me invested in them outside of what they can be for Mc. (Wich is hard to do)
I'm curious about how MC's interaction with some Ro's will play out too, especially the ones that ~light spoiler~ were in the execution, whether they're entirely guilt or not, they all had a hand in what happened even if not directly, so I can imagine a MC that would hate or fear(even without meaning to) some of them, and how Mc would have to act like they've never met before even knowing what they do. And the drama is just *chefs kiss* perfect, can't wait for more after having a taste of this now.
Thank you so much! I can also agree, I feel much better about the overall game now that I've redone the prologue and I'm glad others feel the same way! It's also very nice to hear that I accomplished my goal of making each character their own person. One of my least favorite things in romance games/manhwas is the idea that each character would be nothing without MC. And not to spoil too much but!! It will be completely up to you how you interact with the characters. MC will have initial fear, of course, but past that, work with or against them however you'd like. How you interact with the world is what you make it to be, after all.
Man, i was getting so hyped through this and then ran into the end sobs
Great job tho, I loved it
oh and i found a left over from variables once inerogations starts
"Norocos was usually known for it's amazing rehabilitating prisons, because at the behest of $C, Rautinte's only heir, the system went through a major reformation in the past few years"
Question, while playing the prologue they were mentioning this: $C Is it a mistake or something part of the story? I don't know how to pronounce it haha
You may be close to $C, but I doubt you hold so much influence that it saves you from my “master” and her wrath.” Thena threatens Yoshiaki, their voice sharp as they turn to face the other two. Eyebrows raising, you take their appearance in. They looked… Plain. Sort of like $C, though their appearance was pretty common for the area.
I thought I was missing it, so have been stumbling around in search for the chapters after the prologue, but ah well, thank you, enjoyed the short prologue, looking forward to the next update.
Haha, for last words I was really dramatic. "You will regret this and I will be laughing when this corrupt kingdom falls" Lol, I don't even know the plot but I like dramatics. I hope you continue this, it's very interesting!
I love the idea of a very dramatic MC! Also I've had some troubles with some of the systems I'm implementing, but now Chapter One is under some steadily development!
Nah, that's fair. I had in mind a scathing remark for the court, but really your last words can be anything. I think it's funnier when it's not something insulting ❤️
I kind of wish I had had the foresight to do that as well, but I originally made it and posted it with the belief no one would see it before I wrote out the first chapter. I was very incorrect. Hopefully chapter one will be better for getting a sense of the game.
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As someone who's read a bunch of IFs on COG and Itch I can definitely say that this story is not really polished. Too much purple prose and made up words, too many characters and too many romance interests.
The intro was decent but it didn't have the thrill or excitement, hell I wasn't even aware what the mission was and what the stakes are, world building is zero, is this a middle aged fantasy world? but then why are the characters in the portraits wearing modern clothes?
Chapter 1 was very bland and boring, especially the useless side quest of finding a dog, there was no thrill or urgency in the pacing, the pacing is really slow.
The writing tries to be edgy in the explicit torture scene but was pretty unclear on what was happening, too many made up unexplained words. Is this suppose to be a revenge story? a romance story? a character driven emotional story? I don't know, but I felt bored the entire time unlike the other IFs I've read.
Author-Chan im gonna keep waiting for you 🥺♥️♥️.
Pleaseeeee tell me this is still being worked on. The quality of writing is so well done and the characters are all interesting.
This is so exciting and beautifully written ! I have never felt so close to characters and loved them so much. I hope to see an update soon !! Thank you for your hard work !
ooh this is so good! i cannot wait for an update!!!
I love this so much, been waiting for an update 😍
I honestly really enjoy this story! I like all the RO's so far and I liked the side story as well.
eh. about the prologue... too much in one page with very little choice makes the thing tedious to read. maybe it's just me but it feels more like someone's story rather than an IF 🤐 especially with the MC's personality 😷
just went through character drabbles and the story link of lucian, adam, and lily- ;-;
I need more ;-;
It’s quite interesting!
I've enjoyed this a lot :) I really like Lucian so far, I'm not sure if you know this character but there's this old webtoon called Hooky and the character Nico is just who I kept imagining Lucian as. I look forward to the future updates :) I hope we can talk to Adam more as well and form sort of a elder sibling typa thing with him, of course you don't have to do it but I thought the idea would be fun since their interactions reminded me of just that!
I haven't heard of that webtoon before, but I'm glad you liked L! Adam was super fun to write and more interactions with him definitely aren't off the table :D
lucian fanclub founder: me
L simps gotta be some of my favorite people <33
HEY!! gib more plz
I haven't played it yet, but I have a question: with a title like Villain's Promise.... can I romance the/a villain?
I'm not trying to be coy, but it really depends how you play and how you define what a villain is. I will say you can't romance the main "antagonist".
Also, is there a chance that we can have a mc that has a personality, but perfers to be silent most of the time? Like they could be kind but silent, or aloof and silent?
Absolutely, but it's more like.. Developing the MC that way since the MC's personality is semi-set, so to have an MC that is like... Silent and such would take time.
I see! Thank you!
This was amazing! My last words were: "I was naive to think I would be able to be redeemed in such a tainted, sorrowful world. May you all never rest in peice.
i love the story premise! didnt expect one of the ROs to die on the prologue
totes gave me a lil teary eyes. so im already heading towards the lucian route
Thank you! I thought it would be interesting to do so I'm glad it got the intended reaction <33 I wish you luck on L's route :]
and i wish you with luck on the upcoming chapters or whatever else life is doin for you!!!!!
thank you so much <33
Idk if I'm doing something wrong here because No matter what pronounce I choose or what gender I choose for each Li the game end up using they/them on almost every occasion, and sometimes some text shows up that doesn’t have anything to do with the option I've chosen.
Sorry to ask this, but did you restart or are you using an old save?
no, I've started the game today and from the beginning.
Okay, sorry I'm just trying to figure out what could be wrong. Did you select each LI individually or did you use one of the preset options? If at all possible, could you also send screenshots or tell me the passage the they/them pronouns show up in?
Hi! Just a minor thing--when I selected the pronouns for all of the characters (I chose the all male option, if that changes anything), it seems there were a few missing bits in the dialogue. Lucian, for instance, was regularly referred to as they/them despite my choices indicating otherwise.
Additionally, some of the text in some spots seems to be missing? Instead of where I'm assuming a nickname would be, there's just a blank space. For example:
"Dialogue dialogue dialogue, (space) . Other than that, the game looks great! I can't wait to see where you go with this.
That's,,, weird. The only instance I have of this happening is from people using old saves. However, L's character definitely shouldn't be showing up with they/them pronouns at all since it isn't part of L's code. If there's a way you could screenshot or copy and paste the section, I'll look into it.
Okay thank you! It should be fixed now :]
An overdue review for the revised prologue:
I'm not sure if the lack of choices is supposed to represent the MC being unable (in the prologue) to avoid their fated execution, but the lack of ability to have even superficial impact on the story altered my perception of the game. Obviously the whole point of the prologue is the execution, so I don't expect to be able to change anything, but the long passages of prose offered plenty of chances for surface-level "decisions" that wouldn't affect the narrative while still offering a sense of agency for the player, if not the MC. For example, maybe you don't have the choice to not trust your partner, but you could easily have different responses for how you confirm your (possibly misplaced) trust: Sincerely, reluctantly, bitterly, emotionally, etc. Other potential moments for this kind of thing could be your (internal) response to the distance between you and your partner, a choice to resist the pain or have some other (futile) response rather than just closing your eyes, having some kind of reaction at some point during your imprisonment/torture, and responding to the knight that helps you to the throne room. Nothing really changes except a few lines of text, but it would drastically up the immersion factor, at least for persnickety types like myself, and it would break up the long pages of Having Things Done To You by People You (The Player) Don't Yet Know. The effect might be different for someone who's been following the tumblr and taking part in the Discord, but at least some people (like myself) won't be coming in with that information, so any deeper meaning or emotional impact could be lost in a prologue that's more like reading a novel than playing interactive fiction.
This isn't to say that the reading was unpleasant, as your prose is rich and evocative and you have a particular knack for characterization, as characters have distinct voices even if they have little more than a few lines. If I'd gone into this expecting pure prose, I'd be extremely pleased with it and interested in reading more; I'm still extremely interested, but I went into it as a player of interactive fiction, so my expectations were a little different. The only choices you have in-story is to skip the torture, which isn't so much a choice in-story as it is a meta-choice to avoid a scene, and your final response in court. I did have something dramatic planned, but I found myself so stymied by the lack of player agency (as opposed to character agency) that I seized the first chance I (the player) had to actually do something and wound up telling the court to do something anatomically unpleasant with an extremely unsuitable instrument. ... Though I like to think that was also in-character for the MC, all things considered! The lack of 'personalization,' not to be confused with customization, also kept me from feeling particularly attached to or invested in the MC, which is a problem I often have with more linear/stratified forms of IF, like visual novels.
Which, again, doesn't mean that this prologue is bad; far from it, in fact! If the lack of even superficial options is supposed to be indicative of the MC's railroading, in contrast with their post-revival options in the main game, then feel free to ignore just about everything I said above. In either case, I'll still be watching this game carefully and looking forward to how it grows.
Absolutely, I understand the criticism here. As someone who always took umbrage with the nonchoices given by major companies such as Telltale, I get the frustration that comes with having little to no real choices in a story-driven game; however! This was a conscious decision on my part. The prologue is meant to create frustration and hopelessness as a player because that is also a big part of the MC's default characterization. It's supposed to represent the relentlessness of fate and this absolutely doesn't change for anyone seeing the content on Tumblr and Discord.
Now, this only applies to the prologue. Chapter one comes with multiple choices in certain passages, important ones and surface-level ones, and plenty of dialogue choices.
Thanks for the prompt response! I appreciate the confirmation that it's an intentional choice, so I know I didn't totally misread the situation; it still doesn't work for me as well as multiple-but-futile choices would, but this is my subjective opinion and the prologue is brief, so it's far from a dealbreaker. Implementation of saves, incidentally, is also greatly appreciated, especially if there's as many potential paths as implied, as well as the content being as accessible to players going in blind as it is to those involved with the Tumblr/Discord. I prefer to experience the story as it unfolds, so any supplementary materials have to wait until after I finish the game.
As ever, I look forward to seeing how Villain's Promise grows and evolves, and I anticipate future interactions with these varied characters... and, more than likely, doing my best to ruin some lives and get away with it. After all, how often do you get to play the villain?
Of course! As this is my first real story being put out there- and my first time making a game- it's really nice to see opinions players have so I can grow in both areas. Thank you for playing and I hope you enjoy the villainous path I develop <3
My last words were, "Today, may the dead rest in peace. Goodbye". I really liked the prologue and the elements in it, waiting to see the final piece
That feels peaceful... I like it :]
Thank you for playing, I'm glad you enjoyed it <3
My final words were "May your future be tainted with blood." Overall, this was a great prologue. Can't wait to see the completed project.
Those last words,,, wow <3
Thank you so much for playing, I hope you'll continue to enjoy it with later updates :]
My Last words were "All I wanted was for Lucian to be happy.." x'd,, Anyways I enjoyed playing! (Reading). Ngl I almost shed a tear while playing this..
Those as last words,,, :') thank you for sharing and also thank you for playing! I'm glad it evoked such an emotional response :]
the game was very good , and yeah i chose ' Death to all kings ' as my last line .
Pls when will next update come ?
A fair few last words, honestly.
I'm aiming for Chapter One to come out next month (enough time to get beta testers and to have them playtest).
Thank you for playing!
yooo why did i not find this earlier????? this is so fukin good?? i was not expecting any of this. the way i went from almost crying to legit raging when reading this..author i love you so much. also lucian 😭 ❤️
Thank you so much for playing! Your emotions playing reflect my own while writing, honestly.
Also, absolutely Lucian 💕💞💕
oh my g o d I was not ready for something this well written. I am blown away by your choice to have us literally type out our last words, that is genius. Good lord. You’re gonna blow this out of the water I tell you what
I'm not ashamed to admit I teared up a little reading your comment. Thank you so much for the kind words!
this is so interesting, I would love to read more :D
thank you! i'm glad you enjoyed the prologue 💕
Woah this is great. I remember when it was really short before. It's like watching a child grow up to become a adult in control of their life.
That's how I felt re-writing it, honestly 😭💕
Re-reading the prologue is just good satisfaction but like I don´t know what to do now while waiting for the first chapter update
😭 I'm glad you enjoyed the new prologue and I feel you! I'm hoping writing chapter one goes smoothly so I can get it out semi-quick. In the meantime, there are other very talented IF writers (I'm sure you've heard of) or you can join the discord where I spam way too much 😌✨
Thank you for playing 💕
Wow, I love this new prologue, it's so much better. Things that were confusing before bc of the lack of information are now mysterious for the same reason, and I fell like it is overall better written now.
I really want to know how relationships will work out not only for the Mc, but between each Ro as well. You did a good job by making them have their own lives and relationships without overshadowing Mc or making Mc the center of their existence. Kinda made me invested in them outside of what they can be for Mc. (Wich is hard to do)
I'm curious about how MC's interaction with some Ro's will play out too, especially the ones that ~light spoiler~ were in the execution, whether they're entirely guilt or not, they all had a hand in what happened even if not directly, so I can imagine a MC that would hate or fear(even without meaning to) some of them, and how Mc would have to act like they've never met before even knowing what they do. And the drama is just *chefs kiss* perfect, can't wait for more after having a taste of this now.
Thank you so much! I can also agree, I feel much better about the overall game now that I've redone the prologue and I'm glad others feel the same way! It's also very nice to hear that I accomplished my goal of making each character their own person. One of my least favorite things in romance games/manhwas is the idea that each character would be nothing without MC. And not to spoil too much but!! It will be completely up to you how you interact with the characters. MC will have initial fear, of course, but past that, work with or against them however you'd like. How you interact with the world is what you make it to be, after all.
Look forward to more drama ;)
Man, i was getting so hyped through this and then ran into the end sobs
Great job tho, I loved it
oh and i found a left over from variables once inerogations starts
"Norocos was usually known for it's amazing rehabilitating prisons, because at the behest of $C, Rautinte's only heir, the system went through a major reformation in the past few years"
Thank you for playing and I'm glad you enjoyed :D
Oh, okay thank you! Going to fix it now <3
Question, while playing the prologue they were mentioning this: $C Is it a mistake or something part of the story? I don't know how to pronounce it haha
No, it's not 😭 It must've been left over when I changed all the variable titles, could you let me know where you ran into this?
Here:
You may be close to $C, but I doubt you hold so much influence that it saves you from my “master” and her wrath.” Thena threatens Yoshiaki, their voice sharp as they turn to face the other two. Eyebrows raising, you take their appearance in. They looked… Plain. Sort of like $C, though their appearance was pretty common for the area.
Okay, thank you so much! I'm sorry about that mistake- I'll get right on to fixing that :)
No problem haha
I thought I was missing it, so have been stumbling around in search for the chapters after the prologue, but ah well, thank you, enjoyed the short prologue, looking forward to the next update.
ah thank you for playing this snippet 💕 I'm currently working on releasing a longer prologue that gives a better taste of the game :)
eHe
😭😭 I made the ugliest snort at this please-
Very exciting so far!
Thank you!
I love it!
Thank you, I'm glad <3
So, I made my MC cried and I was like "Ooooh things are bound to be interesting no" but then the demo ends -_-
Anyway! This has me intrigued! Will definitely look forward to more of this <3
Haha- sorry </3 I promise more intense situations in the future that are longer :)
Haha, for last words I was really dramatic. "You will regret this and I will be laughing when this corrupt kingdom falls" Lol, I don't even know the plot but I like dramatics. I hope you continue this, it's very interesting!
I love the idea of a very dramatic MC! Also I've had some troubles with some of the systems I'm implementing, but now Chapter One is under some steadily development!
I didnt know the last words were meant to be insulting the court, I chose the last words to be "I LIKE MEN!"
Nah, that's fair. I had in mind a scathing remark for the court, but really your last words can be anything. I think it's funnier when it's not something insulting ❤️
seems intriguing, I only wish it was at least a chapter long so that we could get a better idea for the story
I kind of wish I had had the foresight to do that as well, but I originally made it and posted it with the belief no one would see it before I wrote out the first chapter. I was very incorrect. Hopefully chapter one will be better for getting a sense of the game.